Not Compromised
by chezchuckles
Summary: A ThankYouTerri fill. A reworking of the scene in 'To Love and Die in LA'.


**Not Compromised**

* * *

_"Kate you're too close to this."_

_"No, sir, I am committed. Not compromised."_

_-To Love and Die In L.A._

* * *

Castle jerked to attention when the door rattled behind him, turned around to find Kate had come back into the suite.

She stared at him, her door flung wide, a kind of reckless abandon in her stance. He couldn't breathe; she was right there.

With a jerky movement of her body she had pressed the door closed, one hand scraped back through her hair, holding it off her face. She looked wild, intense, torn apart.

It wasn't how he'd imagined it would be.

He was frozen at his own door, staring across the space at her, the way her chest rose and fell as she struggled. For breath, for words, for strength, he had no idea. Only that she was drowning. More ways than one.

Maybe the distance between them had given way to a cooler head, maybe it was his better judgment kicking in, maybe it was just his own pride that demanded he have her all to himself, but he didn't move. Because he wasn't allowed to save her. He wasn't the one who got to offer her a hand. He had to stand there and watch her struggle because he wasn't allowed to be more.

But she wasn't going to get rid of him. He wasn't subtle, and he knew it was a detriment in every single way, but he couldn't help himself. He was killing himself trying to reach her. He would kill himself at every opportunity.

"Beckett."

She pressed her lips together, brow furrowing. Her head turned, eyes focused somewhere beyond the window.

He had been willing that door to open. What felt like agonizing moments, he had been begging that door to open, for her to come back, for her not to say good night at all but only good morning.

And now it was no good at all.

She was fierce. She was grieving. She wasn't his.

"Castle, this is - we're in the middle of something. We're close. I..."

The case, right, yes. "You were saying good night," he reminded her quietly, showing her the path back to safer ground.

She made a soft noise and he glanced up, saw the agony as it rolled through her eyes, all the terrible indecision.

He didn't want to be the thing she regretted in the morning.

Castle nodded, mostly at nothing, at his own decision, drew in a breath to gather himself together. He released the door handle, thought better of the words he'd wanted to say, instead turned to leave.

"Castle."

He paused, his back to her, fighting himself, but he finally looked at her, telling himself it would be the last time, the very last; he was going to bed alone and then getting up in the morning and solving this case.

She was stepping forward.

"Kate, don't."

She halted, hurt flaring, and he wished he hadn't opened his mouth. Her hair fell forward as she stopped, and then she was wringing her hands. He wanted to take them, press her palms between his, make her stop.

"I wasn't - wasn't talking about the case," she said. Her throat cleared and her head came up. "I was talking about - this."

He was speechless.

"Us," she said, though a question was in her voice. Her teeth caught her lip. "Or.."

"Us," he said, echoing the question. "You have a - Josh."

"I... it's complicated."

His shoulders dropped; he tried to brace himself. "Right. I - then there's really not more to say." That moment on the couch, wanting to kiss her, it must have been all over his face. It must have been so unsubtle.

"Castle, just-" She lifted both hands to her forehead, scraped back through her hair, agitated. Her _you frustrate the hell out of me_ voice.

He'd always taken her lead. This was no exception. But if she led them somewhere untenable, he wasn't sure either of them would survive.

"We have a case to solve," he told her. "We're in the middle of something here. We're close."

She nodded, brow furrowed, her eyes darting to one side. "Royce..."

"Royce deserves justice."

She let out a long breath. "He wanted me to stop fighting myself, Castle. He said, _don't look back on your life and wonder if only_."

"If only what?"

"If only I hadn't said good night," she whispered. "If only I had told - told Josh we're done, we've been done. If only..."

She trailed off, and she took another breath that seemed to waver, but there was still a third person in the room with them. And it wasn't the ghost of Mike Royce.

Castle took a careful step closer, then another, until he could reach out and clasp her hand. Her fingers were cool, long. Not at all like what he'd expected. "It's like you said, Kate. We're committed. Not compromised."

Her face twisted, her eyes closed, but she didn't falter.

"So we won't say good night," he murmured. "Say, until-"

"Tomorrow," she finished, a choked noise in her throat. Her eyes opened to his; they were shining. "Until tomorrow, Rick."

Her fingers left his slowly, cool as silk, and then she was turning back for her room and the door was closing after her.

* * *

**A/N: **Prompt: "Kate comes back into the room in LA - they have a emotional talk but do not end up in bed together." Filled as a gift to AlexMack23 for her castlefanfics blog, via a generous contribution from "Anon" to YoungStoryTellers dot com slash ThankYouTerri. See all the prompts and fills at ThankYouTerri dot tumblr dot com.


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